Bonke abantu bafuna ukuthandana nothando kunye nosapho olonwabileyo. Kodwa abantu abathile kuphela bayakwazi ukuyiqonda ngoku. Ukuze ube nolwalamano lokwenene noluthembayo, kufuneka ubone ukungafani phakathi kwengqondo yothando, ingqondo yengqondo kunye nobuchopho bezesondo, kwaye ukwazi ukudibanisa ngobuchule zonke izinto ezimalunga nobudlelwane bakho.
Ukususela kumbono weengqondo, uthando lubonisa ubudlelwane obuvulekele ngokusekelwe ekuthembekeni kunye kunye nolonwabo. Kwengqondo, umxholo wothando uquka iinkalo ezintathu:
- Izibophelelo. Imilinganiselo yokuziphatha yothando. Kuthetha ukuzimisela ukubambisana ngeengxaki. Le nkalo isekelwe kwintlonipho yeemvakalelo kunye neengcamango zathandwa, ubuchule beengqondo kunye neempawu zokuziphatha, igunya kunye nesidima sakhe. Xa abantu bathanda ngokunyanisekileyo, umgca phakathi kwentlonelo kunye nokunyaniseka kuyasuswa. Kwamazwi omlingane abaphulaphulayo, kwaye uluvo lwesithandwa luya kuthatha isigqibo. Zonke izigqibo zithathwa ndawonye. Inhlonipho ngumgcini wokunyaniseka nokuthembela kweso sibini.
- Ku futshane. Inxalenye yomzwelo yothando isondlo, ukufudumala kobuhlobo, ubunye. Uthando luhlobene ngokusondelene nobuhlobo, ngokusekelwe kwiinjongo ezifanayo, iimbono, ukhetho. Kwizithandani, ubuhlobo buya kufinyelela ubuninzi babo ngenxa yokubambisana kunye nolwalamano olusondeleyo, xa uqobo luba luqhelekileyo kwaye lugqithise. Uvelwano novuyo kumthandekayo, ukuzonwabisa kwento oyibonayo nokuva into yokudumisa, uvakalelwa ukuvumba nokuthintela. Ukuthintela kuthatha indawo yamagama, udlulisele iimvakalelo ezifihlakele kwabanye. Ngobuhlobo obuqhelekileyo akukho buhlobo obusondeleyo, kunokwenzeka kuphela xa kunokukhangwa ngesondo ngaphandle kwezinto eziqhelekileyo.
- Ukunyuka. Icandelo lomzimba lothando, olusekelwe kwisenzo sokwabelana ngesondo, ukuzonwabisa kunye nokukhanga. Umdla wegunya elinjalo xa intanda ethandwa ngumthombo wodwa wokwaneliseka ngokwesondo. Into ethandwayo iba yinto enhle kakhulu kwaye ifaneleka, amanye amaqabane akhanganga.
Yonke imiba yengqondo yothando iyabaluleka ngokufanayo ekwakheni nasekuphuculeni ubudlelwane. Kukho ukudibanisa okwehlukeneyo kubo abanobungakanani beentlobo ezahlukeneyo zothando. Kodwa uthando lokwenene luthando ludibanisa zonke iziqendu ezintathu ezimalunga namaqondo afanayo.
Ukufumana uthando lokwenene nokukwazi ukuluhlula ekuthandeni, kufuneka ukwazi ulwazi lweengqondo. Izibonakaliso zothando kunye nothando kwizengqondo:
- Uthando lubalulekile ngesondo, ngokuba uthando aluyinto ephambili;
- ngokubathandana abantu bafikelela omnye komnye, ukuze bangaziva banesizungu, bathandweni, kwihlabathi elingokomoya
ezizimeleyo kwiqabane; - Isimo sentshiseko somthandi sinokuphela kuphela phambi kwento, uthando lonwabo luqhubeka;
- Uthando luyisipho, uthando luyimpahla;
- Uthando lufana neengqondo zengane, uthando luyinxalenye yabantu abadala;
- thandweni akukho nto, ngothando-indima yayo ibalulekile;
- Uthando-utyalo, uthando-luzalisa;
- ngokuba uthando lweempawu zangaphandle zibalulekile, uthando ngumnqweno wokuhamba enye indlela.
Sebenzisa i-psychology of love ukwakha ubudlelwane obuqilileyo.