"Ndiyasebenza ekudalweni kobuhlobo bentsapho, ndiyasebenza, kwaye umyeni wam uzenzele inkosikazi!", Ukutsho ngale ndlela ukuba wenze ntoni emva koko, ngokuqhelekileyo ukukhohliswa ngabafazi ngezinye iinkhathi abazi ukuba ukulahla umyeni wakhe okanye ukuphazamisa ubuso bendinkosikazi yakhe. Ukuze siphephe imibuzo enjalo, masiqhube kunye kunye nento enokuyenza xa indoda inenkosikazi kunye nendlela yokujongana nayo.
Indlela yokubetha indoda kwindlovukazi kunye nokuba ingafuneka yini?
Ngokuqhelekileyo, isikhalazo esithi "umyeni wam unenkosikazi, yintoni enokuyenza" iphendulwa ngesitayela, umfazi ngokwakhe ubeka ityala, emva komtshato, wayeka ukumlandela, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo intloko yaqala ukuyihlushwa. Indlebe yomyeni wayo yaguqulwa, kwaye wazenza eyinkosikazi. Yintoni ecebisekileyo ukuba yenze kulo mzekelo kumfazi okhungathekileyo uyayiqonda - ukunyanga kwakhe imfraine, ukubuyela kuye "ifom ngaphambi kokuba umtshato" kwaye ukhumbule ukuba kunempahla egqithiseleyo kunengubo endala.
Ukuba unento enokuyilungisa, ngoko kufuneka uyithathe. Kodwa yintoni enokuyenza ukuba yonke into ilungile, jongeka kakhulu, "izizathu" ezivela kwisondo zibonwa ngawe njengobuncwane, kwaye indoda iyahamba "ishiye"? Indlela yokwahlula umyeni kwindlosokazi kwimeko? Ngaba uqinisekile ukuba uyakuxabisa? Enye into yokuba uthembele kumyeni wakho, masithi, izinto eziphathekayo, kwaye ukuhamba kwakhe kuya kuba yintlungu kuwe - umntwana omnye akayi kutsala. Emva koko, kuya kufuneka ukuba udibanise (vala amehlo enkosikazi yakho, makenze oko akufunayo, into ephambili kukuba akayi kushiya intsapho) okanye ucinge indlela yokuguqula umyeni wakhe kwikosikazi yakhe. Kodwa ukuba uthembele ngokwezimali kwi "blagovernoy" akuxhomekekanga ngokwenene, mhlawumbi akufanele uzincine? Kucacile ukuba amadoda amaninzi ahlala ekhohlakele kwicala, kodwa ufuna umntu ongeke azame ukufihla le nyaniso? Kwaye ungacingi ukuba uya kuzincipha kwinto enjalo, abantu abavela kwisizukulwana "bahamba" ngokuqhelekileyo baphatha ngendlela efanayo, nje kuphela xa impilo ivumela.
Indlela yokuhlukanisa umyeni kwindlovukazi yakhe?
Zonke iimpawu zokuba nenkosikazi nomyeni wakhe ziqinisekisiwe, kodwa ufuna ngokwenene ukugcina intsapho yakho. Indlela yokugcina umyeni wakho kwikosikazi kwimeko, yintoni oyenzayo?
- Ukuba uqhelana nenkosikazi yomyeni wakhe, umzekelo, umhlobo wakho uphumelele, ngoko unokusebenzisa konke oyaziyo ngaye. Ukuthetha ngengozi ngendoda yakhe malunga "neentlobo" zakhe ezihlala ziphela kunye neziko lempilo okanye ukubonisana kwabasetyhini (akusaziwa into eyingozi kumntu - ukubamba ibhu okanye ukuthatha umntwana kwikosikazi). Sitshele ukuba ku-akhawunti ye-narcologist (i-psychiatrist), ewe, ngaba ngabahlobo, ngoko bekubuhlungu. Khawukhumbule zonke iimfihlelo awaye wabelana nawe, kwaye umtyhile ekukhanyeni okubi - ulwazi oluninzi olungenanto, oluchazwe ngokuchanekileyo, lunokunyanzelisa umntu.
- Masithi ungazi kakuhle inkosikazi yomyeni wakho, ulwa njani nabo? Fumana i-razluchnitsy kwaye ubambelele ekuhlanganiseni naye akufanelekanga-kakuhle, ungayichazela inkosikazi yomyeni wakhe, yintoni esiya kuba nayo? Umsebenzi olungcono kunabo banetyala, kuphela amahlazo awayidingiyo, nangona engazi ukuba uyayazi malunga nentliziyo yakhe. Zama ukwakha iimeko apho wayefuna ukutyelela kunye nentsapho yakhe - umzekelo, ngenxa yokusebenza kanzima (ngokudlula ixesha eliqhelekileyo kunexesha eliqhelekileyo), awukwazi ukuthatha abantwana esikolweni (i-nursergart). Kwaye unokwenza umyeni wakhe ahambe eholide kunye kunye, ngamanye amaxesha inxalenye encinci yanele ukulibala malunga nenkosikazi yakhe, ngakumbi ukuba iintlanganiso zabo zaqala kungekudala. Ngokuqhelekileyo amadoda aqala izithandani, ekholelwa ukuba umfazi wabo sele esondla nabo, kwaye akayi kuhamba naphi na. Mkhumbule le ntembelo, makabe nomona.
- Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuthetha nomyeni wakho ngemikhankaso "yasekhohlo" yakhe, yenza ngenzuzo yakho. Awudingi iinyembezi kunye nokuhlambalaza, awukwazi ukunceda ama-scandals. Ufuna ukuthetha, makhe akhulume, kwaye uphulaphula ngokucophelela uze wenze izigqibo, kunokuba omnye ukhange iqabane lakho.
- Ngokuqhelekileyo ndifuna ukulungelelanisa inkosikazi "ukuxubusha", kodwa ungenzi oku. Ukuba ungeke ubekezelele, zama ukubhalela inkosikazi yomyeni konke okucingayo. Emva kokubhala, funda kwakhona, uze utshise iqela (ifayile) (cima). Awudingi ukuthumela iileta ezinjalo, uya kukwanelisa le mfuneko yencoko kunye nenkosikazi yakho, kwaye uya kufumana kulula ukuziqonda.