Ubudlelwane phakathi komkhwekazi nomkhwezana akufaneki ukufudumala nokwamkela. Kwiimeko ezininzi, ukungabikho kokuqonda ngokubambisana kubangela ukungquzulana kwentsapho, kwanokuqhawula umtshato.
Inani leipoloni ezenziwe kumazwe ahlukeneyo libonisa ukuba ininzi njani ubudlelwane phakathi kwentsapho kunye noninazala. Abantu abancinci kuphela abanenhlanhla banokuqhayisa ngolwalamano oluhle nonina, kodwa kubaninzi abasetyhini bamaxesha ahlukeneyo umbuzo wendlela yokuseka ubudlelwane kunye noninazala uhlala evulekile. Ingqondo yezobudlelwane kunye noninazala iye yafundiswa iminyaka emininzi, kwaye namhlanje unolwazi oluninzi lukwaziswa ngendlela yokuseka ubudlelwane kunye noninazala. Kodwa, nangona kunjalo, ingxaki ingaphendululwa kwiintsapho ezininzi. Kwaye ukusebenzisa amacebiso kunye neziphakamiso zeengqondo zengqondo ngokuqhelekileyo akunjalo lula. Masizame ukuqonda izizathu zolu, kutheni ubuhlobo phakathi komkhwekazi nomalokazana behlala yingxaki, nangona zonke iinzame zengqondo zengqondo, kwaye yintoni enokwenziwa ukuba kuqinisekiswe ukuba intsapho ibe nokuthula kunye nokuqonda.
Indlela yokwakha ubudlelwane kunye noninazala?
Nokuba ingcamango yokuba bafanele bazame ukulungisa imeko ayimkelekanga kumantombazana amancinci. Ukufakela okunjalo okokuqala kubangelwa ubuhlobo obubi kunye noninazala. Kule meko, kucetyiswa ukuba abasetyhini abasetyhini bazibeke endaweni yomkhwekazi. Cinga ukuzalwa komntwana, cingela indlela akhula ngayo, kwaye iminyaka emininzi ngumntu obaluleke kakhulu ebomini bomama, de kube yimini xa omnye umfazi engathathi indawo yakhe. Kuphela ngokuzicingela ngokucacileyo ngokwabo kwimeko, iintombi-mthetho ziyakwazi ukuqonda iinjongo zokuziphatha komyeni wendoda. Ukukhohlisa okunjalo kuya kunceda ukuqonda indlela yokuseka ubudlelwane nomama-mkhwenkwe kwiimeko ezinzima kakhulu, nangona ingxabano iqhubeka iminyaka emininzi.
Esinye isizathu esivakalayo sokungquzulana phakathi komama-mkhwenkwe nomalokazana ngumkhwele. Inzondo ingathatha iindidi ezininzi, kodwa isitshixo sihlala sisinye-ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ngumntu othandekayo. Ukuzimela ngokuzimeleyo ukunqoba umona wobukhwele kunamandla kuninzi lomamazala. Yaye uncedo kule meko ingenako umalokazana, ukunyamekela ukuba umama wakhe umyeni akazange azive elahliwe kwaye engadingekile. Kodwa ukuze ukwazi ukujamelana nalo msebenzi, umalokazana kufuneka amhlonele ngokwenene umkhwekazi aze aqonde oko akwenzele unyana wakhe.
Ukongezelela, ukungabikho kokuqonda ngokuvisisana phakathi koomama-mkhwenkwe kunye nentombi-mkhwenkwe ngenxa yemigangatho yobudala, edlalwa ngokugqithiseleyo. Isiva sokusondela kwiminyaka yobudala, utshintsho lwengqondo kunye nokudakumba, okubangelwa utshintsho lwe-hormone, luchaphazela impawu nokuziphatha ngendlela engalunganga. Kwaye ekubeni imeko yomama-mkhwenkwe ixhomekeke kwiziganeko zenyama, ngumkhwenkwe-mkhwenkwe ofuna ukubonisa ukuqonda nokudibanisa, ukufumana indlela kumama womyeni wakhe aze ancede anqobe ixesha elibalulekileyo ebomini.
Kodwa ezi zizinto zokuqala zokuqonda. Nangona ufuna ngokunyanisekileyo ukuseka uxolo kwintsapho, ngokuqonda izizathu zesimo sengqondo sengqondo somama wakhe, umtshakazi udinga umsebenzi omningi. Okokuqala, kufuneka ucinge ngendlela yokwakha ubudlelwane kunye noninazala. Kule nto kufuneka uqonde kakuhle umama-mkhwenkwe, ukwazi uhlobo kunye nemikhwa yakhe. Kwamanye oomama, kunele ukubona ukuba umalokazana wabo uyaziqonda kwaye ulungele ukusebenzisana, ngelixa abanye baya kunxamnye nokuzama ukugcina kwimigudu yabo yokugqibela isimo sengqondo esinenzondo. Ngoko ke, ukuphuhlisa isicwangciso soxolelaniso kunokwenzeka kuphela ngokuqwalasela uhlobo lohlobo lomamazala. Kwakhona, imfuneko yokuxolelana nokuxolela ngokunyanisekileyo umamazala, ngenxa yeengxaki ezibangele. Ukuba intukuthelo ihleli, ngoko kwixesha elizayo baya kutyhathisa ubuhlobo.
Kukho uqeqesho olukhethekileyo lwengqondo oluya kulahla ulwabiwo olubi kunye nokuqala ubudlelwane bokwakha kunye ne-slate ecocekileyo. Emva kokucaphukisa, kwaye ungamthandi umama wendoda, unokuqalisa imisebenzi esebenzayo. Kodwa ungalindelanga ukuba yonke into iya kutshintsha ngokukhawuleza, ingakumbi ukuba ingxabano ihlala ixesha elide. Ukuqala kolwalamano olutsha lunokuba yintetho ethe tye. Ukuba umama-mkhwenkwe uyabonakala ngokungahambi, okanye ngokuphindaphindiweyo uphinde aguqule intsingiselo yento ethethiweyo, ngoko endaweni yokuthetha kukulungele ukubhala ileta. Cacisa ukuba kusetyenziswa imifanekiso elula neyifutshane, ukuphepha ukungahambi kakuhle kunye nokuthotyelwa. Kwileta okanye kwingxoxo, kubalulekile ukuchaza intsingiselo yengxaki kunye neengcebiso zokupheliswa kwayo. Musa ukusebenzisa ukubethekisa, ngethemba lokuba kuya kuncitshisa ubuhlobo. Kodwa ukubulela ngokunyanisekileyo okanye ukudumisa unina wendoda akuyi kuba yinto engathandabuzekiyo, egxininisa iimpawu zobuntu okanye ubuchule obangela ukunyaniseka.
Xa ndihlala kunye nomama-mkhwekazi, kuyakuyimfuneko ukuxazulula iingxabano zengqondo kuphela, kodwa nakwabasekhaya. Kwaye ukuxazulula olu hlobo lweengxaki kufuneka lusetyenziswe ngokubalulekayo kunye neentloni, ngokubhekiselele kwimibango yasekhaya umhlaba uya kufumaneka rhoqo naphi na. Kwaye kulo mcimbi, kuya kufuneka ukuba uthathe umkhwekazi ngaphandle kokuthukuthela nokugweba, kunye nokuhlalutya izizathu zokungazinzi kunye nokucacisa isicwangciso sokulima okungahambisani neengxabano.
Endleleni yokubuyisana kunye noninazala, kuhlale kulungele ukukhumbula ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba kunzima kangakanani ulwalamano nomama wendoda yakhe, lo ngumama womntu othandekayo onokuthanda ukubona intsapho yakhe ibonwabile kwaye iyonwabile. Kwaye ngenxa yale njongo, zonke iindlela zilungile kwaye iinzame aziyi kuba yize.