Ukuhlala emtshatweni ubomi bam bonke, umphefumlo awufikeli emphefumlweni kuwo wonke umntu, kwaye ukuxabana kubakho rhoqo kuzo zonke izibini. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba indoda isoloko kwaye ingasifanelanga isicatshulwa sayo sesibini?
Kutheni indoda ihlambalaza ihlazisa umfazi wayo?
Kuthekani ukuba umyeni uhlambalaze aze ahlazise umfazi wakhe? Okokuqala ukuqonda isizathu sokuba enze oku. Nazi izizathu eziqhelekileyo zezi mpawu.
- Ngokuphindaphindiweyo emva kokugqiba ixesha lothando ngobudlelwane, indoda iyaqala ukuziva ingqungquthela kwindawo yakhe yokuhlala. Kwaye ekubeni abantu besemvelo kunobundlobongela kunabesifazana, ukuthintela komfazi ukuba bahlale kunye nabahlobo, ukuhamba kunye nokuloba kubangela ukuphendula okungafanelekanga njengento yokuthuka. Le ndoda ibonisa ukukhusela kwakhe ngomzamo womfazi wokumqeqesha.
- Ngokwezibalo, imitshato yokuqala ayisoloko iphumelele, kaninzi kwiminyaka emibini emva kokuba umtshato uqalise inkqubo yomtshato. Kutheni oku kwenzekayo? Iingcali zengqondo zithi oku kwenzeka ngenxa yokuba isibini esilungele umtshato. Okokuqala, amaqabane awanele omnye komnye, anelisekile. Kodwa emva kwexeshana omnye wabo (ngokuphindaphindiweyo umntu) uqala ukuqonda ukuba wayebethelwe kwangaphambili, ukuba wayengakabikho ixesha lokuzonwabisa ngokukhululekileyo. Ubonisa ukunganeliseki ngoncedo lokuhlambalaza nokuthotywa komfazi wakhe.
- Nantoni na into abayithethayo ngokukrokra kwamabhinqa, amadoda abuye abo baphuphayo. Abanye abayiqondi amahlaya amabhinqa kuwo onke kwaye balungele ukuthatha yonke into ebunini bexabiso. Umzekelo, ebuya ekuhlanganiseni kunye nabahlobo bakhe, umfazi wabuza umyeni wakhe "wayephi na?" Wayehlambalaza "ewe, kunye namantombazana, abadlali beemidlalo bamathandabuzi bamenywa, bahlekisa". Kwaye umyeni uya kuqala ukuba nomona, uya kuzicingela ngokwakhe umlando wokungcatsha komfazi kwaye uya kukholelwa kuyo. Kodwa endaweni yokufumanisa ubuhlobo ngokusobala, uya kuzisa umfazi wakhe.
- Ngamanye amaxesha indoda ibonisa ubugwenxa kumfazi ongekho ngezizathu ezithile, kodwa ngenxa yokukhuliswa kwakhe. Mhlawumbi wabona le meko kayise kunina kwaye ngoku iikopi zakhe.
Ndingayenza ntoni ukuba indoda yam ihlambalaza?
Kukho nawuphi na, umyeni ufuna ukuthetha. Kwaye kufuneka wenze lokhu ngokuzithelekileyo, uzame ukungaphumeleli kwiimpendulo zokufunga, ukuze ungamcaphukisi umyeni wakhe ngakumbi. Ukuba indoda ayifuni ukuthetha nawe ngokwahlukileyo, njengamathoni aphakamileyo, ukuhlambalaza, ungaqhubeki ukuthetha. Zihloniphe, ungavumeli ukuba kuxoxwe nawe ngale ndlela. Qhubekisa ingxoxo kuphela xa uya kuziphatha nawe ngokuqhelekileyo. Kodwa ukulibazisa ngencoko ayifanelekanga, ngokukhawuleza uqonde isizathu, ngaphambili uya kuqonda ngezenzo ezongezelelweyo. Mhlawumbi ubenomona, kwaye kufuneka utshabalalise izilumko zakhe eziyintsipho kungekudala.
Ukongeza kwintetho apho uya kuzama ukufumana isizathu salo mkhuba wendoda yakho, kufuneka uqaphele indlela asabela ngayo kwizenzo zakho. Kwimeko apho ebonisa ulwaphulo ngokuphindaphindiweyo xa ecinga uxinzelelo, umqobo kwizakhiwo zokuzonwabisa okanye ukuziphatha kwakhe ayikho inkcazo, kwaye nakwii-caresses zakho unokuphendula ngokugwenxa nokuhlambalaza.
Xa ufumene ezi zihlandlo, yenza izigqibo kuwe. Indoda ephuka kuwe ngenxa yokuba uyamnqabela, izama nje ukukhusela indawo yakhe. Zama ukunciphisa ubuncinane, kuba ufuna ukufumana ilungelo lokuhlangana nabahlobo kunye nohambo lokuthenga?
Kodwa ukuba ukuziphatha komntu akunazo zizathu, uyazidiliza ngaphandle kwesizathu, kwaye yonke imibuzo "kutheni uthetha nam njengale?" Izimpendulo "ewe ngokuba uyisidenge!", Akunakuqonda ukuzama ukugcina intsapho. Emva koko, ukuba umyeni uziphatha njalo, uhlambalaza ngomntwana, ngoko umntwana uyangenisa le ndlela yokuziphatha - ekubeni umama uyinyamezela, ngoko yonke into ichanekile. Musa ukucinga ngolu hlobo, indlela yokukhupha umyeni wakho ukucaphukisa, jongana naye kwaye ujonge izizathu kuwe. Ekubeni ngokuqhelekileyo abantu abanjalo abavumi ukulungiswa ngexesha elifanelekileyo, ukuziphatha kwabo kuyingozi kuphela kwaye akukho mntu unokuqinisekisa ukuba uya kugcina kuphela ukuhlambalaza, unokufikelela nokusetyenziswa kakubi. Ngaba uyayidinga?